20 Funniest Typos (updated!)

Every now and then, in my job as a proofreader, I come across a typo that makes me laugh out loud or elicits a ‘Whhhhaaaaaat?!’ – when the author accidentally writes something that ends up having a meaning they really did not intend.  I got the idea for this post while reviewing the work of my author sister, novelist Terry Tyler Terry Tyler’s Books, who said that when writing at speed and getting involved with the story, it’s so easy to type something that you simply can’t believe you did. (Which is another reason not to use that old false friend spellcheck, by the way, because these are mostly genuine words, just in the wrong place.)

I’ve been keeping a list (and I wish I’d started it earlier, I’ve seen some absolute lulus!) I thought I’d share them here for your amusement, and they are all strictly anonymous – I will not reveal my sources. But I and the authors concerned have shared a laugh over their mistakes, and it just proves something that I always maintain, i.e. that one cannot effectively proofread one’s own work.

  What they wrote What they meant What it looks like
1 On the lamb On the run Sitting on a young sheep
2 It’s a bad wrap I’ve been wrongfully accused I don’t like my lunch order
3 Vualá Voilà I don’t know basic French, and I didn’t bother to Google it
4 Dough-eyed Doe-eyed Eyes like pastry?
5 Martin atmosphere Martian atmosphere Hello, Mr Atmosphere
6 A small vile of liquid A small vial, or glass container, of liquid This liquid’s really nasty!
7 She practised her sign language skills with her two dead colleagues (They weren’t dead then, by the way!) Sounds like a bit of a waste of time.
8 The muscles in his neck were taught Taut What did they learn?
9 He was tempted to eat a second desert Gimme some of that ice cream You going to eat all that sand?
10 On the left was yellow, arid dessert Desert I’d rather have the strawberry cheesecake
11 Henry left the martial home Marital home Because it was a war zone, we assume.
12 She worked in a stationary shop She worked in a stationery shop It didn’t move around, then?
 13 I will stay away from you and your elk I don’t like you or your friends Keep that great brute away from me!
 14 Two policemen were peeing through the window. Peering (I hope!) Surely they could arrest each other for that?
 15 Doug came from Manchester, and spoke with a strong Manchurian accent. Mancunian Oh, he was Anglo-Chinese, was he?
 16 You know what they say, a room wasn’t built in a day! Rome Why not? (And they don’t!)
 17 You could melt butter with the heath between my thighs (from an erotic novel) Heat (although there are better ways to soften butter) Way too many weird mental images right now!
18  He’s regarded as a danger to the pubic. Public Watch out for those sensitive areas, lads.
 19 There were two centuries guarding a gate Sentries Okay, I give up!
20 My knees trebled in anticipation Trembled Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Mr Six-Knees!

I am indebted to my friends Geoff West and Carol Hedges, who spotted nos. 14 and 15 in books they have read.

 

 

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61 thoughts on “20 Funniest Typos (updated!)

  1. Am I the only one who’s only discovered the ‘desert’ one 6 months after a book is published???!! This was before Julia proofread my books, I hasten to add! If anyone has read ‘Dream On’, they may have spotted it….

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  2. It’s great that there is humour in a job that requires such attention to detail, Julia. Because I use voice-activated software that always puts in real words, although not necessarily the right ones, and has such fun with homonyms I often find myself giggling at a heart-rending emotional scene, I have to be extra careful with mine – but quite often blog comments and tweets come with glaring errors – I suppose it’s a good exercise in tolerating shame.

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    • I imagine you have to be very careful with voice-activated software. I remember my ex-boyfriend, who had a French accent, using that – now that was fraught with all sorts of possibilities! And I have to be super-careful with my blog posts and tweets, for obvious reasons.

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      • I am reminded of the fake-French-accented Lorette Voleur in the movie The Beverly Hillbillies, intently telling Jed Clampett that ‘a penis is hard to find”… Yes, she meant “Happiness is hard to find,” but Jed and the audience heard differently!

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      • Although it trains to different accents, after more than ten years mine still struggles with my Cumbrian vowels. Nice one, Pat, not stumbled into anything like that yet – at least not to my knowledge.

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  3. I love this Julia, so entertaining! My best boob was when I was working as a PA for The Institute of Chartered Accountants and typed: ‘We were given completely access to Mr A****’s flies’. Should have been ‘files’ …. The other one wasn’t quite as embarrassing but still irritating, as my computer kept turning ‘Gladstone’ into ‘gallstones’ when I was doing my English A-level.

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  4. I love a good typo! Great list, Julia. My tip-top favourite I’ve found when proofreading is “Discretion is the better part of velour.” So smooth…

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  5. Oh these have made me laugh so much, Julia. I could very easily make some of these mistakes when I’m typing fast too! I love the ‘small vile of liquid’…

    One typo I read recently was not like these, it was a real spelling mistake and occurred three times in the same (professionally edited) book! It was ‘exhuberance’. I had huge fun coming up with meanings for that one 🙂 Another one I loved was made by one of my non English uni students. He wrote about getting a distinction for his international Bachelorette. I nearly ruined a laptop keyboard over that one. He actually meant Baccalaureat, the high school diploma..

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  6. Thanks! Good ones. You are right…you can’t proofread your own work. I look back at my first published book & find a glaring mistake that the editor and myself both missed! I can’t remember exactly what it is at the moment…but it seems like the word “refrigerator” was just sitting in the middle of a sentence for no reason!

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  7. In the days when we were encouraged to send our handwritten reports to the local council’s ‘Word-Processing Unit’, rather than type them ourselves, I often had the word ‘deprived’ in my reports come back as ‘depraved’. Luckily I managed to spot it each time it was circulated to others, including council committees (or at least I think I did)!

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  8. Pingback: Interview with Julia Gibbs | A Lover of Books

  9. Pingback: 10 Funniest Typos (updated!) | Fragmented Mind

  10. Love this! I’ve recently seen ‘bare with me’, and ‘so fart’ instead of ‘so far’. Typos usually make me grin, though but don’t get me started on howling grammar mistakes in books!

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  11. It’s a shame you made me laugh out loud, as I’ve got a cough.

    My favourite still, although from a report rather than a book, is the chap who confused prostate and prostrate. I’ve never been able to work out quite what he was thinking, because neither was appropriate in the context.

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    • I love it! I noticed advertising posters in my local Morrisons this morning about their charity projects – one offered ‘used coffee grinds’ to gardeners, and the other talked about someone playing a ‘ukalele’. Why don’t these people just look up the word if they’re not sure?

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  12. In a previous life, I ran a business as a court reporter and legal transcriber, with three people doing the first runs, which i’d then proofread. One of them heard “errors and omissions insurance,” but typed it as “Arizona missions insurance.”

    Also, in my first novel, I left a deliberate typo in … twice: misplaced the space in “Got it.” Lots of readers thought it was an accident; others had the appropriate chuckle.

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  13. I was reading “Charlie Dickens” by Philip Ardagh. I noticed that his arch-villain had a Business Manger. I was going to point this out to the great man but realised: this is a Philip Ardagh book, why wouldn’t he entrust his business affairs to a horse trough? I even got a “good man” response from Mr Ardagh on Twitter.

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  14. NIce one! I’ve come across that one before, and it’s easily done of course. When I spotted it in a book I was working on, I did an immediate search and found it occurred 3 times!

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  15. One I just remembered. A European restaurant in Boston, Massachusetts, had the slogan, “The Best Incontinental Cuisine.” I told the owner about it and he added the appropriate space, had to reprint all his menus. Ah, well.

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